That's a terrible water metaphor, but it's apt. I ran across someone's facebook page tonight, and past hurts popped up all over again. I think the two things that anchor me to this pattern are when I have a lack of closure, and/or miss the loss of the person and the relationship. And all I want to do is ask why. Why me? Why did you say/do what you did/said? What did I do?
Perhaps it all comes back to shame - the shame of failing, or feeling as though I've failed as a human being in some way, though without knowing how or why.
But then, I think, would I change anything? No, because it's not my thing to change. Am I happy with my life? Yes, I am. I'm happy with where I'm going, what I've accomplished, and the people I've surrounded myself with. Sometimes I catch myself feeling as though I'm lacking something - I didn't "make it" with a company in a way that I originally intended, or in the same way as my peers have, or I didn't make the impression I wanted to make. But that is just a bruised ego, and bruised egos don't have the best perspective on, well ... anything.
And I suspect that the answer to my problem lies in caring less. This is a fundamental flaw, because that's just not part of my genetic make-up. So maybe I should stick to fixing the shame thing.
Easy, right?