Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm in the wrong line of business...or, The Great Sock Monkey Massacre of '10

So here's something that no one (read: me) thinks about when they buy dogs:


I suddenly understand the necessity for traditional female rituals like baby showers. One NEEDS a baby shower in order to afford accessories for said baby! So *why* aren't there puppy showers, I'd like to know?? Perhaps because the great thing about dogs (or, at least my dogs) is that all it takes is a tennis ball or a frisbee to keep them happy and entertained, and they don't (usually) require clothes. If only I could remember that.

Question: Besides the price of food and vet bills, what other expense could a dog require???

Answer:  When owned by me, a whole lot more!

Why? In three words: Pet Accessory Marketing.

Last Sunday, I went to PetCo. I LOVE going to PetCo. I don't know why ... I can't explain it. There's just something about the prospect of buying something new for my dogs that they'll love - like cracking their personality codes with toys. And it's that pet-lover mentality that PetCo, PetSmart, and any other pet manufacturer in the world banks on. Literally. According to Donald Trump (via an episode of The Apprentice), the pet accessory industry is a multi-million dollar profit making machine. They target fools like me with promises of cuteness, jack up the prices, and voila! The money-giving automaton is complete!

Evidence A: Sock Monkey Stuffed Animal, aka Hagrid's baby

I know, I'm a sucker for a good sock monkey. I'd been eyeing this particular toy for almost two months ... since I took Hagrid home, really. Do you want to take a guess at what this relatively little toy cost? Anyone?

$11.95. Yep ... you read that correctly. $11.95. But it's worth it, right? It's worth it to give your good, loyal, happy, ever-lovin' furry companion something that makes him happy, right??

Evidence B: 5 minutes after the gifting of the sock monkey

Evidence C: Miscellaneous images of the massacre

The Perpetrators:*

For SHAME!!!

In case you've ever wanted to see $11.95 burn faster than a sheet of paper dowsed in kerosene, go buy the above sock monkey at your local pet store, and then give it to your dog. There is no greater, more humbling experience than seeing $11.95 being gnawed on before your very eyes. The small clumps of cotton stuffing you saw in the photos above, I'm estimating at $0.50 each.

* Shameless excuse to post pictures of the puppies...


jennifer from pittsburgh said...

LOL! Caty and I go to yard sales and buy up old stuffed animals for a quarter because Bela does the same thing your pups do to them :)

Phoenix said...

We should totally throw you a puppy shower.

What's funny is that you think I'm joking.

Kristin Quinn said...

Like anyone ever needs an excuse to post photos of their adorable pet. We can never get enough! I guess I'm in the wrong business. I should be designing poodle dresses.

Jen said...

hehe, I second the cheap toys option... I have a friend whose dog seems to think the point of stuffed toys is the same as those treat-stuffed kongs.... get the middle out as fast as possible.

So now that dog only gets stuffed animals from the dollar store.