TV Observations from an idle Polar Bear...

So in case you didn't know, or at least didn't realize, it's December.

It's true.

As such, I find myself with a lot of free and idle time; not of my choosing, but due to circumstance and timing. Due to this, and my own holiday-riddled brain, I've been paying a lot of attention to random things. On Television.

And I will list them. Because lists are fun.

1) I've been watching the Food Network quite often since I've been home, and I've noticed that on many of the shows (namely those I watch), that Chefs call each other "Chef" at the same annoying rate that Doctors do on TV medical dramas and/or soap operas. Observe (in a competition/judge scenario):

"Chef John had a lovely appetizer, but Chef Keith's entree was simply divine with those roasted marshmallows."

"I agree, Chef Steven, but Chef John's dessert was heavy-handed, and quite misinterpreted."

"Chef Roger, what do you think?"

"I agree with my esteemed Chefs."

"But which one?"

"Chef."

"What?"

"No, not you, the other Chef."

"Me?"

"Chef McChef Chef Cheferton."

"You are ridiculous."

"Chef."

Then, there's the "cooking with the masters" variety of programming, which resembles something from a bad boot camp movie:

[in a badly written French accent] "Ewe cull zis toomatoo soose?"

"Yes, Chef!"

"Ewe er ah deesgraice to zee cooking prufeshiun! Pleece leave meh kichion!"

"Chef, yes, chef! I do apologize for my crappy tomato sauce, Chef!"

"Git oot of meh seete!"

"Chef, yes, chef! Would you like to kick my ass, chef?"

"Shoot oop, ewe stoopid men!"

"Chef, yes, chef!"
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Yeah. I went there.

2. Bravo has become the channel of Fashion and Food-based reality shows. Not only do they have Project Runway, they now have a show called "Launch my Line," where hopeful contestants compete in challenges to create a fashion line. The twist is that none of the designers are technically fashion "designers." One of the contestants is an architect. Another is a marketing executive who specializes in re-branding. Another is a DJ. The show is hosted by a pair of twin brother designers, Dean and Dan Caten, who could very well be lovers.

Seriously.


Then, there's my new favorite, "Tabatha's Salon Takeover." Here's why:



She's this fabulously extreme Australian. Who wears black. Lots of black. Essentially, Tabatha is called in to floundering salons, and whips them into shape in a week. Oh ... and as an added bonus, she was a contestant on the first season of ANOTHER Bravo! Reality Fashion-based show, "Shear Genius."

Then there's "Chef Academy" where contestants learn how to cook from ace Michelin Chef Jean Christophe Novelli. Three "fails" and you're expelled from school. Or something.

Also, Bravo! is of course known for the ever-popular and often replicated "Top Chef."

Now, to my point.

Here is the run-down of current and recent Bravo! programs.

There is not ONE program. NOT ONE! That is not a reality TV show. I find myself incredibly disappointed, because I remember when Bravo! actually had some of the most interesting Arts & Entertainment programming in all of cable television - not just basic cable. They used to have a program on Sunday mornings highlighting three musicians every week - I discovered Lucinda Williams on this show. They used to showcase dance groups and museums. They have, I argue, taken the arts & entertainment out of arts & entertainment programming.

Speaking of Arts & Entertainment programming, A&E has also fallen the way of the heretic. View.

3. Alton Brown makes me ridiculously happy. Why?

Science + History/ Food x a sense of humor = Geektastically BRILLIANT.

Unfamiliar with Alton Brown? Watch "Good Eats" or "Iron Chef: America" on the Food Network. He also has a brand-new Welch's Grape Juice Commercial, where he intelligently informs you of the nutritional properties of the Concord Grape. I actually kind of want some grape juice, and I haven't had grape juice since I was about 12. This is the awesome power of Alton Brown.

Or, you can just visit his website. http://www.altonbrown.com/



4. My Monkey told me that there's an "Iron Chef: America" episode where Iron Chef Cat Cora is teamed with Paula Deen. I have not seen this episode, but good *golly* I want to! I've been stalking the Food Network for this episode all week long. So far, this episode is my very own White Whale.


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5. Lastly, I just finished watching the first season of "Rome." It's quite good...except it leaves me wondering why Brits ALWAYS play Romans?

Romans and the soldiers of the Republic in Star Wars.
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