Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I heart my cosmic family

Let me say this straight off: I love my family. I really do. 

But since I was a little girl, I've adopted people. I didn't always feel as though I belonged to the people I was related to. My childhood was kind of chaotic and unpredictable at times, and I didn't always feel safe. In fact, I felt down right alien - I was from another planet, and not many people understood my language. But there were a select few who did understand, and I would cling to them desperately - my life preservers on a planet I didn't fully comprehend. 

The problem with this practice, as you might expect, is that I am who I am; heart on my sleeve, all too loyal, and too ready to feel wanted - multiplied by 50 as a child. And I was hurt a lot as I flung my heart here and there. Turns out 5 year olds are not always the best judges of character. But I learned, and became much more discerning, much more careful. 

And 24 years later, I have a very wonderful, very amazing cosmic family. A family comprised of kindred spirits, parallel souls, and like minds. And they've stayed. These are not people that I talk to every day - I don't have to talk to them every day. They're just there, in my life. And when they need me, I'm there. And when I need them, they're here for me. They are my family, just as much as any of the people with whom I share chromosomes. 

I've been increasingly grateful for my cosmic family over the last few weeks. And I don't always get to tell them how much I love them, or what they mean to me. So I'm tossing this out into the cosmos. I'm grateful for you, you know who you are. I'm grateful that I'm lucky enough to share my life with you. To know you and laugh with you and stumble around with you in this dark room called life. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you are. Thank you for helping my world make sense, and for translating rough passages and mixed messages. Thank you for always making me feel valid and loved and appreciated. 

But most of all, thank you for finding me. 


Lira said...

I read somewhere that our cosmic family are friends we have in heaven who said, "whoa, whoa there - you're CHOOSING to live this life down there full of hardships and crap? Well, I'll go down there with you, then. We'll meet in...let's meet in college! Really randomly! Like, you can be my professor's daughter or something crazy like that!" And then you were probably like, "Dude, Tracy! That's a Polar Bear of an idea!" and then you both found each other and .... wait. this is supposed to be hypothetical...

Anyways, the idea is that we have spent time on Earth with our cosmic families several lifetimes over, and that we have a core cosmic family who we always find. Your mom in a past life could be your best friend in this one and your father in the next.

I've always liked that theory. Explains the gravitational pull we have towards people one wouldn't think we have any business being friends with.

Makes it a lot less lonely.

Glad you found a lot of yours so soon. <3

Phoenix said...

I'm a little late to this respond to this one, but I echo your sentiment and your gratitude. I don't know what I would have done without my cosmic family - without friends like you and Lira - but I'm so utterly grateful, every damn day, that I have you guys.

Love, love, love.

Phoenix said...

Also, the snob in me wants to go back and fix my typo, but I can't, so please just ignore that extra "this".

Because I'm neurotic like that.