Something's rotten in the state of Tennessee...(a blog in pictures....)

And it ain't Claudius.

In case you haven't heard, or read, here's the story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/20/tennessee-teaching-homosexuality-ban_n_864895.html

I am truly puzzled by the notion that "homosexuality" is "taught." Nobody taught me to be a homosexual. It just kind of happened, well, naturally. No one "teaches" it. I almost wish it had been taught - I might have been a lot less confused in middle school. But to go so far as banning it? When it's not in any curriculum?

Preventative/minority legislation. You know who was a big fan of that? THIS GUY:

And these guys:

My best friend Tracy wrote a really great blog post about fear. Read it. It's spot on. Fear is the original exaggerator. It's the man behind the curtain, the monster under the bed, the wind through the trees. It's a Nothing that has become Everything. So you'll understand my confusion when I hear that a state legislature is afraid of this: 

Or these guys??

Actually, I think it's because of these guys. ALL these (gay) guys:

Because according to the latest Gallup Poll, "For the first time, majority of Americans favor gay marriage." 53% in favor, 45% against. If it were a presidential election (especially in the last decade), that would almost be considered a land-slide. Their grasp of control is slipping, their vice-grip on "normal" is fading. Especially when a guy this cool...

Does this. 

Beam me up, Mr. Sulu. If you're the Rapture, I want in. 

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it's the end of the world, as we know it.....

On Saturday evening, I drove into downtown LA to attend a fabulous theatre piece that some dear friends of mine were in. As I was stuck on the 5 North, slowly crawling to the on-ramp of the 101, my gaze happened upon a billboard. This billboard, to be exact:

Now. I do not consider myself an alarmist. I'm not particularly superstitious (outside of hockey). And I've never considered God (Allah, Buddha, Yahweh, et.al) to be a jerky douchebag. But I will gladly admit to being anti-apocalyptic; I am staunchly, irrevocably, and vehemently against the apocalypse. And yet, this billboard freaked me out. 

But I didn't let it get to me - I've become very good at ignoring the hysterical fear that is apocalyptic propaganda. I went to my friends' performance, and had a lovely time. I thought nothing of the billboard, or the ominous May 21st due date, until Monday. Monday, Monday, Monday. When one of my little 6th grade cherubims innocently said during check-in: 

"Did you know the world's going to end on May 21st?" 

I didn't say anything. I avoid touchy subjects like religion, politics, and boyfriends/girlfriends like the end-of-days plague. But something really bothered me about my 12 year old student saying that - not the religion - but the notion that an entire generation and culture of children believe that the world is going to end before they reach 14. Eerily, Friday's check-in question was "What's something that scares you?" The second most popular answer, after creepy-crawlies (insects, snakes, spiders, etc, etc): the Mayan 2012 prophesy. At least 1/3 of my kids think that the world is going to end suddenly, violently, frighteningly before any of them can graduate the 8th grade, enter high school, or have a job. 

Depressingly, many of them (I perceive), believe this so totally that they don't really see the point of school. And they're right - what's the point of learning things if the end is going to come in just over a year?? What's the point of anything at all?! 

When they tell me this, and ask my opinion (about 2012), I simply say that there's no clear outcome to the Mayan prophesy - it really just states that it'll be the end of the third age - nothing more, nothing less. They tend to just give me a confused look, and then I'll say something like, "everything will be okay." They accept this, and go back to talking out of turn, or hitting the person next to them.

Regardless of my own vehement objection towards the apocalypse - seeing my students so resigned to accepting THE END OF ALL THINGS angers me beyond reckoning. Not because of their resignation - they don't know any better - but because it proves how much of an oppressor Fear is; how dangerous a weapon. And then I think about the last 10 years, and how much we've been told to fear - Muslims, anyone from the Middle East, bacteria, nuclear weapons, biological weapons, asteroids, our president's nationality (really?!), even Communists and Fascists (still??) - and each one of these things are seemingly beyond our control. It's no wonder that people are buying guns, stock-piling supplies, and praying for the Rapture as soon as possible -WE'RE A WRECK!  And yet, the things that we do have control over - global warming, alternative energy solutions, oil companies, pharmaceutical companies, gay marriage, the economy - we do nothing about because we're so fucking exhausted from worrying about all the giant question marks, all the boogie men making bumps in the night, that we destroy logic and reason. Or we relate the fixables to the unfixables:

"You think WE created global warming?! You must be a Commie! Or a Fascist. OR BOTH!"
"You believe that people should have the freedom to marry anyone they choose?! You're going to hell!"
"It's those damn Muslims who've ruined our economy!"

I'm tired of the fear. I'm tired of the media. I'm tired of zealots. But most of all, I'm sad that my 6th graders are growing up without hope. 

So you know what? I hope the Rapture does come, in so much as it sucks up all those "deserving" and  "repentant" souls, and takes them off and away to wherever it is they'll go. Just so long as they leave the rest of us in peace, calm, and tolerance. That's what the Jews believe the end-of-days to be - not a catastrophic event, but a culture change brought forth by good deeds and understanding. Now that's an apocalypse I can support.

............I'm seriously thinking of returning to my Jewish roots.

In other news, here's the top 10 things you should know about my life in the last two months:

1. I got into Grad School! In CANADA!

2. I got a SCHOLARSHIP for grad school in CANADA!

3. I took a week-long visit to Oregon over spring break.

4. I turned 29.

5. I've been working on bringing SOC up to the 21st Century.

6. I have 2.5 weeks to get 95 children into performance mode.

7. I'm organizing volunteers for a fundraiser.

8. Because of 5, 6, and 7, I've been more stressed out than normal.

9. I've been wanting to write a blog about ethics vs. morals, but haven't found the time.

10. I'll be SO HAPPY when June 10th arrives. 

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"Money ain't got no soul, money ain't got no heart...."

This is the anthem of artists everywhere. We don't work for money. We work for enjoyment, for fulfillment, for the notion that we are contributing to the betterment of humanity through whichever medium we happen to work. And we do this not because of the money, but to spite it. We'd do it for nothing! We were those poor suckers in college who dreamed of an Utopian Bohemia, where everyone wears recycled clothing and lives on Top Ramen. Where everyone shares their art, their food, and their books, and commerce is too bourgeois and degrading to be concerned with. But instead of snapping out of it a year or two after graduation, like everyone else; after the real world has had some prime opportunities to slap some stupid sense into us - we are the ones who keep living the dream...on breadcrumbs, occasionally living back with our parents when we can't afford rent.

But we can't live on nothing; and our society knows that. They know it, and they exploit it. Society begrudgingly agrees that the arts are "important" - not in an immediate, foundational kind of way like garbage collection or sewer functionality, but in an abstract, "we-know-it's-good-for-our-kids-but-won't support-it-ourselves" kind of way. So they hire us to instill artistic appreciation and aesthetic into their children. Sometimes, depending on the funding, we get paid well for this. Sometimes, it's not enough to get by. But teaching is the artists' bread and butter. I suppose that's what GB Shaw was getting at when he wrote that loathed idiom, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

Yeah well, George Bernard, most of us do both.

I do both. And I'm actually getting paid rather well by my school - in theory. I say "in theory" because I haven't been paid yet. I've been working there since early January, though to be fair, my proposal wasn't approved by the school board until January 24th, which means I wasn't official until the 26th. HOWEVER. It is now March 23rd. MARCH! I submitted my invoice EARLY, though invoices are not allowed to go to the district until the last day of the pay period, in this case February 26th. What does a reasonable amount of processing time sound like to you? Two weeks, if we're giving the District leniency for dealing with dozens of schools and artists-in-residence?

Well, I was told three weeks. Three weeks was last Friday. I'm now on Week 4, with no guarantee it will get here by the end of this week, which would mean that I'll have gone 5 weeks. FIVE. WEEKS.

Now, I ask you: in what other work disciplines is this allowed to happen? Business? HELL no. Law? They'd sue you and resurrect debtors jail. Contracting/construction? They'll hand you over to the mob, who'll put your feet in cement blocks and throw you in the Hudson River (even if you live in California). And so I return to my original point, that artists are exploited (I would argue) the most. Clearly, we don't have real jobs, which means that we don't have real lives, which means that we don't pay bills or have cars or need to finish paying taxes, or, you know, EAT. No, no. We're make-believe people who are only needed to inspire children to learn and play in ways that might actually help their educations and futures - outside of that we turn back into faerie dust, and only need to be kept alive with claps and cheers, like in that one play written by that one English dude about boys who won't grow up, and their pixie friends who die when children say they don't believe in faeries. Yep. That's where artists live.

To illustrate how incredibly untrue this scenario is, I will now list the items that I have not been able to do IN A MONTH, because I have not been paid:

1. get my car lube, oiled, and filtered and rotate my tires
2. pay turbo tax to email my taxes (I am usually able to complete this by February)
3. pay my bills
4. buy myself actual groceries (I eat a lot of left-overs, and get creative with items long forgotten in pantries)
5. related to #3, because I cannot pay my bills, I can't apply for a school loan yet.
6. take a college student out to dinner, which I owe him for coming and performing slam poetry in my classes at school.
7. buy my plane tickets to Portland for Spring Break
8. take my golden retriever to the groomer (you'd think this was unnecessary, until you own a golden retriever)
9. buy myself some socks - like ones that don't have any holes in them
10. buy myself some shoes - again, ones without holes
11. buy tickets to the theatre to support my friends and their work
12. buy myself treats (I'm not talking big, I'm talking little things like chocolate covered graham crackers at Starbucks - things to brighten my day)
13. I have to decline invitations to go out with friends to dinner, drinks, movies, or any other social activity

I might sound as though I'm whining needlessly, and perhaps even greedily. But in my own defense, I don't spend a lot of money, even when I have it, and have made quite a science of being poor.

I've been watching Disney's Princess and the Frog a lot on cable tv, primarily because it's surprisingly good, but also because it's a sincere attempt at keeping my Bohemian perspective, and remind myself that even though I chose this life, I deserve to be treated as a valued member of society, like everyone else. Just because money is not the primary driving force of my life, it doesn't give any entity or body or bureaucracy the freedom to treat me any differently than they would any other working professional. I'm good at what I do, damnit. I am an asset, not an afterthought.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJT0uhfcCkw

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You say tax cuts, I say government programs.

A couple of months ago, I decided to take out my senior yearbook from high school, and look through it. Why? I have no earthly idea. But I did, and it was kind of interesting. I had forgotten how many things I was involved in, how many people actually signed my yearbook, and was kind of surprised that I didn't remember more names and faces.

However, the strangest aspect about my tip-toe through the teen years had to be the comments themselves. I cannot tell you how many different people wrote "Don't worry, you'll be a Republican someday." Or something akin to it, usually accompanied by a smiley cartoon face with a stuck-out tongue.

Let it be known that I was ridiculously outspoken in high school. And earnest! Earnestly out-spoken, out-spokenly earnest; that was me. I suppose this isn't altogether surprising considering that I'm an Aries, and I was one of only a few "out" democrats. Well, I wasn't a democrat yet; I wasn't of legal voting age. But you know what I mean  - I had scandalously democratic tendencies for a mostly conservative high school. I would dive, fearlessly, into political debates, determined to convince the multitudes of conservative children that medicare was helpful, welfare wasn't a waste of tax dollars, and women had the right to make decisions about their bodies.

Needless to say, I was always outnumbered. But damnit, I was born with the gift of a loud booming voice, and I wouldn't be my father's daughter if I didn't use it for the powers of good. I remember distinctly a conversation with my best friend and my Honors Economics teacher, a professed Libertarian, about taxes:

Teacher: "So okay, Ms. Liberal, let me ask you this: you're okay with the government taking a large piece of your hard-earned money to feed, clothe, and house other people? Even criminals and drug-addicts?"
Me: "Yes I am."
T: "Why?"
Megan: "Without taxes, we wouldn't have paved roads or garbage services. We wouldn't have education, Mr. Starnes. Your paycheck is paid for with taxes. Taxes help the government take care of its' people. There are socio-economic issues that more than likely went into those criminals and drug-addicts becoming criminals and drug-addicts."
T: "Wow. I don't like the government taking my money. I guess I'm just a selfish person."
Me: "I guess you are."

Discussions like this would stop the class for at least 20 minutes at a time, which was never a bad thing. But it's these kind of debates I'd get into all the time.

So I guess it's no wonder that the people who signed my yearbook would tease my earnest liberalness. But you know, it's been ten years. TEN YEARS. And I'm still a proud liberal. I won't say a proud democrat - the party system in our country is a little too ridiculous for me to grasp.

It also reminded me of a kind of idiom someone once told me:

"If you're not a liberal when you're young, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative when you're older, you have no brain."

I hate that expression. HATE it. Such complete horse shit.

I guess my point in writing this mini-rant, is for me to say that as I continue through life, edging further and further away from my "youth," I have yet to see or experience anything that has made me even consider becoming a conservative. I'm not stupid, I'm not wasteful. I just see things differently than you. And probably always will.

In hindsight, I'm really glad that I didn't go to my ten year reunion.

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Culture Wars: The *other* US war on Terror

Within the last hour, I've seen three stories about gay teen suicide, and a separate story about a gay college student who's being harassed by a crazy alumni.

WHAT IS GOING ON???

It's shit like this that creates gay rage within me. These cultural wars have got to stop! There needs to be some kind of intervention when boys as young as 13 are hanging themselves in their backyards. Different is not bad. It is not evil. It is not the destroyer of life as we know it. But you know what is? Hate. And Fear. And when Fear fuels Hate, we end up with an inferno of madness - shear, unadulterated, illogical, unreasonable madness. I've been crying on and off for the past hour, gob-smacked with sadness.

I'll post links below. You may choose to read at your own discretion. But if you, like me, have had a terrible, scary news day, I don't recommend clicking on them now.

One of the links asks why teen lesbians aren't targeted in the same way. Are they more resilient? Do they just hide better? Are they less self-destructive? Having been a former lesbian teen, I don't think it has anything to do with that. Girls and sexuality are handled so differently than boys, especially as teens. When boys figure out their sexuality - especially as young as 13 - it's a lot more obvious, because so many of their peers are going through rite-of-passage rituals that we provide for heterosexuals. Boys are supposed to learn how to be "men" and play sports. They spit. They laugh at stupid, bawdy jokes. They punch each other in the arm for no apparent reason - and as guy, you're just supposed to take it - because that's what "guys" do. If you complain, if you cry, if you show fear or misunderstanding or shy away from any of this - like blood in the water, the sharks come and circle and bite. Boys are so physical - the sheer visible differences between "young dude" and "young, cute gay boy" are amazingly clear.

I don't know what it's like for other girls, but for me, it was all about hiding. I do think it's easier for girls to hide, to a degree. But the ease of that choice is only permissible because girls don't have the same gender expectations. It was easy for me to agree with a standing gaggle of girls that JP Huntington was the cutest boy in school. All I had to do was say yes. It was easy for me to go to another girls' sleepover and let her mom put make up on me and give me a facial. It was easy for me to fill up my middle school and high school life to such a quantity, that I had no time to hang out or be "pretty." And more importantly, as girls, we're taught to show love for other people, patience, kindness, niceness, pleasantness - which is why so many teen girls have issues with expressing anger. Dudes are allowed to be angry and lash-out. Girls are allowed to love anyone, we're just not allowed to be angry and/or express our anger. We're supposed to smother it internally, and keep smiling through it all. That's what "nice" girls do, anyway.

This my sound silly, but I also think that in being *so* much taller than the other kids, that already marked me as being "different," so no one had the same expectations for me as they did for other girls. But all I had to do was say "Yes" and go along with everything. In fact, I once was so afraid about being found out, I made a terrible gay joke (to my basketball team), trying to create a diversion of attention away from myself. Thankfully my dad had the courage to tell me, right there, in front of my friends, how inappropriate and uncouth that tactic was. I still get embarrassed about that particular act of cowardice. I didn't really gather the courage to be myself and start saying "No" to the bullshit until I was 17, and knew I was leaving for college.

But the hiding - the hiding in itself is incredibly self-destructive. I remember listening to one of my basketball teammates senior year, talk about how, if she knew any lesbians, she'd punch them in the face for being "unnatural." Granted, I was almost twice her size, and would have no problem taking her down. But the point is, I shouldn't have had to. And I shouldn't have had to hide. I was so scared for years and years after that about someone freaking out that my friendship with other women would be taken the wrong way. And a few times, it has been. And I've gotten hurt. But I was at an age where losing a friend was no longer the biggest tragedy in the world - especially because I had SO MUCH incredible support around me. Now, I'm to the age where I just don't care. And that's a nice place to be.

But not everyone has what I have, men or women. Especially not 13 year olds. 13 was the crappiest year of my life, and that was without knowing anything about my sexuality, one way or another. The transitions that happen in Middle School can be the hardest of anyone's life - add on top of that a life-changing self-truth of a counter culture sexuality?? I can't even imagine. And then to be bullied every day at school. To not have friends. To not have the support of your parents because you're too scared to talk to them about it, and far too embarrassed. To live in a place so dark and desperate, you are convinced that death is a far more healthy choice than any further existence could be. To know at the core of your soul (albeit, incorrectly), that everyone else would be better off without you; hell, even YOU would be better off without you. And the penetrating SHAME that consumes your life, bit by bit.

Meanwhile, most states are (or have already) banning gay marriage with the fear-based argument that homosexuality will be taught in schools. Well you know what? Maybe it should be. Maybe we should be having a talk with kids and giving them information, instead of making them scared about their differences. Maybe it would save lives and improve generation upon generation, so that we're not dealing with this shit in 10, 20, 30 years.

And I urge you - if you have some gay males in your family, be they friends or relatives - just tell them that you love them. Just as a reminder. Because chances are, they were in these kids' shoes at one point or another. And it's never tacky to remind the ones you love that you're happy they're alive, and in your life.

That's all very heavy-handed; but amidst this madness - here's what I'm grateful for:

1) Dan Savage

2) Glee



3) People like you.

4) My friends and family - without whom - well, I don't know where I'd be today.

Muster yer Hope, all ye who enter here:

The incident at Rutgers

A blog that sums it up

Crazy Dude in Michigan. Sick 'em, Anderson!

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Things that make you go ... "WTF?!"

The celebration of 9/11 by burning the Qu'ran ... you're a douche, Terry Jones. I know it was theoretically "called down," but the planting of idiocy can infect at warp speed. I wonder how many "Americans" actually went through with it. 

Things my dogs chewed up this week, while I was running errands or acting: 

1. bottle of sunscreen

2. half of a 4 oz. canaster of chocolate nibs (don't worry, the dogs are fine)

3. my dad's eye glass case

4. my dad's eye glasses

5. my playstation 2 (I can no longer turn it on or off)

This arrived in the mail for my father a few days ago:

And because I hate ending on a morbid note, a positive WTF?!

I enjoyed my first gourmet food truck experience on Thursday night. I went with a couple of friends to Kogi's after the show, a Korean/Mexican fusion truck. Apparently, it's been featured on the Food Network. One would think that with the regularity (and, quite frankly, compulsion) in which I watch the Food Network, I'd have seen it. WTF?!

Three words: OH. MY. GOD. I had a Kimchi/Korean short rib burrito. Possibly one of the most amazing things I've ever consumed. In my life. And it was so stereotypically "LA" in its exclusivity - this truck travels locations - it's never in the same place one night after the next. To find it, you must go to their website, or sign up for their Twitter page. They have three trucks circulating in LA, one in Orange County. GO. NOW. 

Crap. Now I'm hungry. 

http://kogibbq.com/

Thanks to Brian Clark and Stephanie Lee for foodnapping me after the show...

I'll never forget it, nor will I ever stop being grateful.

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A plea for women's sports...

I had a huge emotional reaction to yesterday's gold medal hockey game between the US and Canadian women; more than is even shown in my previous post. I cried for the better part of 2 hours. And yes, I'm a passionate bear, prone to great ecstasy and terrible agony - and I've always loved watching the US women's hockey team. I'm definitely a dedicated fan. But I can't say that crying - nay - flat out weeping for 2 hours is a normal response to a loss like that.

And here's what I realized: I wasn't crying for the loss, or the game. I was crying for the plight of women's sports in this country.

The US Women's Hockey team (really, all the women's hockey teams - all over the world) are amateur athletes. They don't have crazy sponsorships like Lindsey Vonn or even Gretchen Bleiler. They all have jobs. And they train. And they go to practice. And they have an uphill battle unknown to most athletes today. Even the "non-pro" athletes that compete in the Olympics (at least from the US), have the financial support to dedicate themselves solely to the training they need. Apolo Ohno, Evan Lysacek, Johnny Weir - if it's a sport that the US has any remote chance of excelling in, we will throw money at them and let them train all day, every day, without having to worry about the every day things like bills and work and mortgages. Don't get me wrong - they're incredible athletes. But what would happen if you took that financial support away? What if they had to work, AND train, AND pay bills, AND endure the day-in, day-out slog that every other regular Joe faces - yet add on top of that, 5 hours a day of practice and training.

What would their success rate be then?

If any of you watched the game, or at least saw a replay of the women's hockey medal ceremony, you would have seen 60+ women, from three different countries, who all know what that training/real life balance is like. They all had to work TWICE as hard as any sponsored athlete in the games. Consequently, all of the curling, bobsledding, nordic skiing, and women's speed skaters are in the same boat.

Unsurprisingly, most of the sponsored athletes are men.

I understand that many of these sports are not made for a commercial market. I get that they just don't sell as well as baseball, football, basketball, or even men's hockey (at least in Canada). But every four years, Americans especially, put an inordinate amount of pressure on these amateur athletes, and expect Gold. We are a society of Gold-hungry Midases, and anything less is insignificant. This is proof positive in the sports we broadcast - I saw one women's speed skating relay race, one nordic event, and one round of women's bobsledding, compared with the umpteen downhill skiing events, snowboarding, and men's speedskating. And as soon as the American team falls behind, the feed is cut and switches to a more result-bearing event, like downhill skiing. Where the sponsored athletes are.

But I'm veering off my rant path.

There needs to be equity. Financially, emotionally, and with equipment and facilities. Title IX may have passed years ago, but it STILL doesn't do a damn thing. We need to invest in young girls, just as we do with young boys. We need more sports available to women in high school and college. We need to make the rules of sports the SAME for men AND women - currently there's no checking in women's hockey. Is there any more insulting and degrading statement to women than that of the no-hit rule?! In essence, we're saying, "Sure ladies, you can play hockey. But don't hit each other - women who hit each other are unseemly." Fuck off!
How dare you! How dare you limit a woman's potential and power! There is no reason for it, except for someone's gross discomfort at the notion of two women pounding each other against boards. My guess? Sarah Palin. But I digress (again).

There have been quite a few studies done over the past few years - as to their validity, I can't say. But these studies seem to be wondering why we're seeing more criminal violence committed by women. And people are confused and dumbfounded! Why? Why would women resort to violence? What reason do they have? Buddy - they have PLENTY of reason. As a majority/minority group, we still remain one of the most abused, underrepresented, and repressed. In history. For the longest amount of time....

You want to fix violence tendencies within women? Give them a voice. Give them empowerment. Let them know it's okay to be as aggressive as men. Let them know that they are just as valued. Put a ball, a stick, a racket in their hand - and teach them. But then - THEN - you must support them. No matter what. No matter the cost. No matter the pain.

But please - don't expect miracles and then treat them like discarded pieces of refuse. That just makes us angry.

And as you've already witnessed, you wouldn't like us when we're angry.
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This blog post is brought to you by:

US Women's Hockey Team
Amateur athletes
Girls everywhere

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An Open Letter to NBC

Dear NBC,

I hate you.

Yes, you read that correctly. As the official media carrier of the Olympics until the end of time, your coverage of these games, be them winter or summer, should be as up-to-date and as ground-breaking as possible. In short - LIVE. Or as close to live as the federal regulations on broadcasting will allow.

I understand the censorship delay (even though I don't agree with it). I understand that when the Olympics are in China, Italy, Russia, Brazil, or London, that the time-zones of our awesomely cool planet (in accordance with the sun) will not allow for live broadcasting. Sportscasters do have to sleep, after-all. I understand that your constituency is not comprised of Olympic-junkie insomniacs who eat, sleep, and breathe the greatest of sporting events (though don't count us out!). I've given you a lot of slack over the years, NBC. I've never complained before. At times, I've even defended you to some of my more outraged friends who were already aware of your shady and irresponsible broadcasting ways. But now? You've pissed off a Polar Bear. And I have one word for you: Vancouver.

In case you didn't know, NBC, you are located on a continent in the Western Hemisphere called North America. Coincidentally, (and luckily) Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada is ALSO located in North America. Now, I know it's confusing that the province (Canadian states are called 'Provinces') of British Columbia has both the words 'British' and 'Columbia' in the name. Is it that Rabbit-shaped island in Europe? Or is it a South American country known for mass producing Cocaine? Happily for you, NBC, it is neither of these. British Columbia, in fact, is the Province above the State of Washington (and part of Idaho). It's just North of our American city, Seattle! See? That's not so scary, is it? In fact, British Columbia even shares a time-zone with the Pacific US - Yes! It's true! The time zone goes by the name "Pacific Standard Time." Yes, the same time zone that your affiliates in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Portland use! Yes, Seattle is in that time zone, too - stay with me.

Now, there are actually 6 time zones in US - Alaska and Hawaii each have their own time-zones, but let's just concentrate on the continental United States for the time being, shall we? We'll go from Left to Right - there's the Pacific Standard (remember, Los Angeles to Seattle?), Mountain (Denver, Phoenix, Las Vegas, Albuquerque, Salt Lake City), Central (Dallas, Kansas City, St. Louis, Minneapolis, New Orleans, Nashville, Chicago), and Eastern (New York City, Boston, Cleveland, Washington DC, Baltimore, Atlanta).

This is where things get tricky.

So if Vancouver, BC shares time with Los Angeles, that means that the cities in the Mountain Time Zone are one hour ahead - Here - let's graph this out, shall we?

If Los Angeles is 12:00 p.m., then ...

- Denver is 1:00 p.m.

- Chicago is 2:00 p.m.

- New York is 3:00 p.m.

Got that? I know it takes some heavy-duty mathematics to calculate this, but you're doing super well! Hang in there!

So let's say there's an Olympic event ... any event ... let's take, oh, I don't know ... MEN'S QUARTER FINALS in HOCKEY - The United States (that's our country) playing Switzerland (It's one of those European countries in the middle, but they're pretty good at Hockey). This is the elimination round, so if either team loses, they're out of the tournament. Now the game starts at 12:00 p.m. in Vancouver. You have 4 continental time zones in which to show it ... looking at the math we *just* did, what do you do, NBC?

Do you....

A) Show the game live at 12:00 p.m. PST (with a censorship delay) across all market time zones, with the option to replay the game on one of the FOUR other networks you have during Prime time (for each respective time zone) for the folks who might have missed it while at work?

B) Skip the game all together in favor for sudden-death curling between two countries that have nothing to do with the United States or Canada?

C) Tape the game, but wait until 3:00 p.m. PST/6:00 p.m. EST to show the game on ALL local affiliates, thereby canceling any excitement for anyone who has the opportunity to watch the game live, and showing crappy day-time shows like Deal or No Deal, Access Hollywood, The Ellen DeGeneres Show*, Days of Our Lives, and The Martha Stewart Show?

D) Show the game live on one of the basic cable channels (CNBC or MSNBC), with the option to air it on the local affiliates during Prime Time

E) Either A or D, because they make the most sense and serve the most people across all time-zones.

F) Either B or C, because no other city but New York City matters, and if most of us can't watch the game live, then neither can the rest of you?

Do you know why I'm upset with you now, NBC? Can you see why your programming makes no sense? I don't understand, in an Olympic year where the games are being held on our great North American continent, why you only seem to show "live" coverage of sports you don't think most people care about like Curling, Women's Hockey, Nordic Skiing, and the Biathalon. I, for one, DO care about those sports, and have been grateful to have spent my mornings and afternoons watching them. So thank you for that.

But I simply can't fathom how you've let this opportunity slip you by! "LIVE" is the banner that local news affiliates have shouted as a battle cry for the past three decades. "We come to you live...", "We are live on the scene," "We're bringing you live coverage..." - These are the anthems you in the broadcasting media seem to live by - it's your battle cry! News is not news unless it's happening RIGHT NOW. Ironically enough, most of the news you do cover live seems to be about the horribly depressing and dire side of our human condition. And the Olympics always elicit the best moments that we, as a world, get to watch together. No other event happens with the consistent joy and regularity that the Olympics do. 

And yet you take this precious two weeks of time to refuse our potential for LIVE enjoyment and pride by dictating the terms under which we can view events? Shame on you, NBC. You are a media oligarchy, and not as benevolent as you presuppose. 

If such weighty measures came down to me, I'd split your contract between ABC, CBS, and Comedy Central. Because I'll tell you what - Stephen Colbert could give me better, more interesting coverage than Bob Costas ever could. 

Yours disgustedly,

The Polar Bear

*No, Ellen DeGeneres' show isn't crappy at all - but don't you think the quarter-final of Olympic Hockey is slightly more important?? If your answer is no, I don't want to hear it.

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National Pride vs. Human Interest

It's been made abundantly clear to me over the past few days, that the men in my life take some issue with the fact that I've been cheering for Canada. Mind you, these are American AND Canadian men. While I think it's highly charming that both nationalities of Y chromosomes are having the same problem (so cute!), I find myself on the losing end. I am the "traitor" who hates my country, who's a poser, who has no national pride.

Conversely, the women don't have a problem with this at all. In fact, even the most die-hard of my sports-loving ladies totally understands my compulsions to root for Canada.

It's occurred to me that this might be a gender differential; that maybe men, trained to love, fight, and take pride in their country - for them, that's the only option. Whereas women seem to have a heavy interest in the human interest; the stories behind the individuals or even countries who play the games.

In short, Women will root for Kazakhstan, just because they're under represented. Men will not. Women are more likely to cheer on China, who doesn't have a lot of Winter Olympic experience, but seem to be trying their darndest to master Winter sports. Men will not. Women are okay with wanting Canada to win the gold in the sport they invented on home ice. And Men ... remain surprised and dismayed that such a heinous suggestion could ever be MADE!!!! But I'm not bitter.

Okay, yes I am. I have the right to cheer for anyone I want to, damnit - be it an under-dog, a sob-story, or the proper recognition for the country who created the best game in the world. I have the right to cheer for multiple countries ... at the SAME TIME if I want! And it doesn't make me an unpatriotic poser who's just rooting for her girlfriend's country. I actually have reasons for why I'm cheering for who (and what) I'm cheering for, and FRAK YOU if you don't like it!!

*ahem*

I'm better now.

*picks up soap box, collects toys, and goes home.*
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Three Rants.

There are some things in life that completely escape me; things that escape the world of logic, reason, and even self-respect. Some of these things set me off like a bottle rocket - I am an Aries, after all, it's a part of my protocol. A few of these things (exactly three, to be precise ... things are always better in threes...) have cropped up in the past few days. The first of these has to do with laundry.

I have been doing my own laundry since I was about 10. It's just one of those chores I've always done - like dishes. I love doing the dishes. I am guaranteed to feel accomplished, clean and productive. Laundry is much the same way. In fact, I would argue that laundry goes so far as to instill a huge sense of self-respect. Seriously. It's one of those tasks that says, "I'm an adult! I can clean my own clothes, present myself in a matter befitting my level of responsibility; and all it takes is soap and fabric softener!"

Well ... maybe only fabric softener if you're feeling super fancy, but I digress.

Today is Sunday; my day off. On Sundays, I go to the Lenox Laundromat to achieve that all self-respecting of self-respecting duties. I talk with the Laundromat attendant about inane, yet interesting things like sports and the weather. We're on a first name basis, she and I. Today, the subject was the Angel's/Red Sox game (YAY ANGELS!). Also involved in this conversation, was an older gentleman who was concerned with the Giant's/Raider's Football game (He was a Giant's Fan). I was breezing through the last issue of TIME Magazine, reading about a group in London who sifts through the mud of the Thames looking for artifacts (I think they called themselves the Mud Larks) ... the leader of this group has been named The Mud God (interesting, no?!) ... and in from the street come two college students. And within the first couple of minutes, it was painfully obvious that neither of them knew how to do their laundry. One of them walked up to my Laundry attendant friend, a garment in hand, and said, "Uhm, excuse me, but how do I wash this?" My laundry attendant friend looked at the tag on the back of the garment, and said, "Well, it says Dry Clean Only, so you shouldn't wash it."

The other student came up to me and asked if it was safe to wash all colors in cold water. In fact, the way the question was posed to me was like this:

"Is it true that if you wash clothes in cold water, the colors won't run?" As though washing clothes had some great mythological property to it ... full of magical, mysterious rumors that only well-schooled practitioners of laundry are privy to. I essentially told him that yes, that was true, unless there was a brand-new garment involved, or colors with a lot of dye ... like red.

This all seems rather innocuous, so what, if anything, is my rant about?

Two young adults. In college. Completely ignorant of how to do laundry. Now, I realize that I learned to do laundry at a particularly young age, and that my experience is most likely an anomaly. I can understand not learning until high school. I can even understand not learning until college ... kind of. Some mothers take great love in doing their family's laundry ... I didn't have one of those mothers, and so therefore, I learned on my own. I can *imagine* the naivety in such a circumstance; however, I would hope that at a certain age ... say, legal adulthood ... the young adult in question would need to learn what this whole, mysterious laundry thing is about ... more specifically, how to do it, the simple process involved, and/or the wherewithal to research such private, well-guarded information. There is a point in which the young adult needs to stop the chain of helplessness. There is a point in which the young adult needs to figure things out for themselves. There is a point in which EVERYONE needs to take their head out of their chosen body part, climb down from their privileged parapet, and learn first hand the satisfaction that comes from the researching and consequential completion of laundry. Read the label, buy the soap, put the quarters into the machine. This is not a complicated skill like building a camp fire or latching twigs together. This is LAUNDRY, for frak's sake! The machine does 90% of the work FOR you!

Yet another reason why the internet is a beautiful thing: http://www.ehow.com/how_46_laundry.html

And now I move on to rant #2: Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

For WHAT?! WHAT in the hell did he *do* to win the Nobel Peace Prize?! According to the AP, it's for his change of approach and policy in the Middle East. Really?! For a change in a policy?! Jimmy Carter got Israel and Egypt to talk and play nice, he gave the Panama Canal back to Panama, he helps the impoverished and hungry ... STILL ... and the man is in his 90's. Gandhi starved himself for Peace. And Obama changed policy. Has he changed DOMA or Don't Ask, Don't Tell*? The Health Care debate is still in tragic stalemate, AND I read (in the aforementioned TIME Magazine) that his promise of closing Gitmo probably won't happen by the Jan. 22nd deadline. I know he's working on it, and I know his plate is abnormally huge. But I again argue: He hasn't *DONE* anything.

Another problem I have with this, is that had Hillary been elected, and had she changed policy in the Middle East (as she most likely would have done), there would be no Nobel Peace Prize. Nor should there be. But the inequity is quite acute.

*Apparently Mr. Obama issued a statement this weekend, that he's planning on repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell. For those who might not know, DADT is an executive order that was put forth by Bill Clinton. As an executive order, Mr. Obama could have repealed it as soon as he took office, saving dozens of officers their loss in pay, benefits, rank, retirement, and the embarrassment of trial. I know I'm just being picky, but I don't think stories like this should exist:


Lt Colonel Victor Fehrenbach - Gay Discharge - 05-19-09 - Watch today’s top amazing videos here

And finally, Rant #3 ... The Heathen East.
There are three things I will never get used to out here. No helpful locks on gas pumps (you have to hold the handle the WHOLE time you're pumping gas, which gets COLD in Fall/Winter!), no wax seat covers in the Women's restrooms (which is either highly sanitary, or highly wasteful, depending on your point of view), and the complete and utter lack of recycling. While the former two issues are more of a mild annoyance, the last point is completely inconceivable.

My housemates and I had accrued quite the collection of cans and glass/plastic bottles, and left them sitting by the trashcan for the last three weeks. I went grocery shopping last night, and decided that I had had enough of the recycling treasure pile we were continuing to build ... so I thought I'd be a good housemate, and take the recyclables to the recycling center by the Stop & Shop. I put the bottles and cans in the machine, and all but 4 were denied. The store, apparently, only takes certain brands. So the rest of the recycling? Yep. Had to be tossed. And I can't even begin to tell you how completely reprehensible, evil, and dirty I felt doing this. I literally had NO alternative ... there's no recycling option by way of trashcans for the houses of Lenox. There's not a central area (that I've found) to take recyclables. I'm at a loss, and I HATE it.

And for such a wonderful, progressive, liberal state, Massachusetts sure fails the ecology grade. One of my housemates said that in Boston, you can't walk down the street without finding a recycling bin, which says to me that it's a flaw in state law.

I actually thought of an intelligence trade, today, involving California's far superior recycling program, and Massachusett's far superior social and civil rights laws.

I volunteer myself for mediation.
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