Showing posts with label ridiculousness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ridiculousness. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Our Scarlet Letter isn't "A"...

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Apparently, October is my "I'm going to talk about gay issues" month. It could be because elections are coming up in two short weeks (Halloween's got nothin' on this fright fest) so DADT and DOMA are at the forefront of the Democrats' failure card; it could also be because I'm looping Grey's Anatomy episodes in the cave of unemployment that is my room, while simultaneously (and frantically) searching for job opportunities ... or, simply because I miss my gorgeous girlfriend A LOT. Either way ... I'm super gay this month.

[You're probably wishing for more entries about the puppies at this point.]

My parents are good liberals. They are not hypocritical, they're open minded, and they watch Rachel Maddow, Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report, and Keith Olbermann - every. single. day. And because I'm unemployed, and home in the early evenings, I watch them (or rather, listen to them) too. I like listening to these programs, not just because they're highly entertaining, but strangely, they're highly informative. Keith Olbermann is occasionally supercilious, but I forgive him when he gets to his staple segment, "Worst Person in the World!" (it's usually Bill O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh)



Last night on Rachel Maddow, Meghan McCain was a guest. She's a frequent guest. Oddly, I like Meghan McCain quite a bit. She's what I'm hoping the future of the Republican Party will be. She's smart, she she's an independent thinker, and can be reasonably conservative and still support social issues and civil rights. Pretty awesome. Anyway, here's a clip from last night's show. About 2/3's of the way through the video, Rachel shows an interview with Colorado congressional candidate Ken Buck on Meet the Press.



He's asked by the interviewer if he believes being gay is a choice. Buck says yes. And then compares homosexuality to alcoholism.

The concept that being gay is a "choice" boggles my mind. I realize that I have a very subjective view of this issue, but on a logical, reason-based planet (if one exists?) - I don't understand the notion that anyone would voluntarily choose to be a part of a minority that is poorly treated, marginalized, continually denied basic human rights, and risk physical bodily harm and death in some cases, just because of their "lifestyle choice." That seems fairly ridiculous. And as someone who tried to pray the gay away in secret for the better part of a year, I can safely tell you, Mr. Buck, that it is NOT a choice.

Unsurprisingly, the candidates like Ken Buck (see: Carl Paladino, Sharron Angle) who hate the gays, would also deny the right to choose abortion to women who are the victims of rape and incest, should they be elected. I'm the first liberal to say that Harry Reid (the Nevada incumbent Sharron Angle is running against/Senate majority leader) is one of the least effective Democrats on the Hill. But you know, when it comes down to politicians who do more harm than good, I'd take Harry Reid over Sharron Angle any day of the week. The worst part is that Sharron Angle is a woman ... who believes that women don't have the right to terminate a pregnancy that was created through domestic terrorism! Talk about "abomination."

Abortion sidetrack aside, the notion of homosexuality and choice (and the persecution therein) is becoming an international epidemic. There's a horrifying article on Gay365.com, that sites a Ugandan newspaper that printed photos of the "Top 100 homosexuals" in the Ugandan city, lists their addresses, and with a headline over the photos that reads, "Hang them!" Within the body of the article, there are quotes from a Ugandan minister, calling for an investigation as to "why homosexuality is increasing in the country." 20 of the "homosexuals" printed in that article have been attacked. In South Africa, the ONLY African nation to allow gay marriage, gangs make a point to find out and "correctively" rape lesbians.

Is it a matter of "increasing homosexuality?" Or is it simply that homosexuals are becoming braver? The bottom line, is that it doesn't matter - and it shouldn't matter. These are specific, targeted attacks on a minority of humans because of who they are. Does this sound familiar throughout the annals of history at all?

Thankfully, there's an upside. It seems as one side gets more and more fanatical, the other side gets more and more tolerant. I found this on a friend's facebook page. Strangely, it's an article by the dating website, OKcupid.com. It's a data-based collection of statistics, polled from over 3.2 million OKcupid members. It's kind of hilarious, and hugely interesting.

Gay sex vs. Straight sex

A couple of things I'd like to say, as a real-life lesbian:
1) I HATE the L Word. NOT ALL LESBIANS LOVE THE L WORD!
2) I don't do drugs ... nor do I know any other lesbians who do drugs on a regular basis, unless drugs = alcohol
3) From my knowledge of North America, which is fairly extensive, that map is pretty accurate, except that I think Utah should be slightly more orange than it is. Mormons are pretty gay - intensely closeted - but gay nonetheless.

The last two things I'd like say have to do with the oh-so-mysterious "gay agenda," that Republicans like to scare and excite their constituents with. Now, it will go against my Satan-worshiping coven blood-oath, but I'm going to fill you on what the American "gay agenda" actually is (because I can't speak for the Bulgarian, Chinese, Albanian, Finnish, or Mozambiquan gay agendas). Are you ready? It's going to blow your mind!

The American Gay Agenda is focused on obtaining equality through legislation so that all citizens may be equal under the law; specifically in the sectors of marriage, partnership rights, and domestic living. Other than that, we just want to be left alone.

Consider your minds blown. Notice how nowhere in that "agenda" is there a clause that reads something like this:

Also, we aim to improve our recruitment numbers by planting homosexual teachers in your schools for the sole purpose of indoctrinating your children into a life of homosexuality. The more children we convert, the more prizes we win!





The scary part is that nearly 50% of Americans believe the statement above to be true. THEY BELIEVE IT! There's a myth attached with the acceptance of Gay Marriage as a law, claiming that homosexuality is going to be taught in the schools. Now, being the lesbian liberal who values logic and reason when it comes to my law-making, I don't know exactly what the other side means when they say "homosexuality is going to be taught in schools." I've been trying to figure it out for a few years now, but to no avail. Will it be taught in sex education classes (if any are left) as a clinical option, along side heterosexuality? I'd hope so. Will it be mentioned over and over by your kids' physics teacher as a way to make "new friends" and see the world? Probably not. And if so, I'd totally be in favor of firing that teacher for teaching something other than physics. Also, I'd like to say that as a teacher, I do not make a habit of teaching anything outside of my field. Most of the teachers I know are the same way.

I have not, in my 11 years of being an "out" lesbian recruited, coerced, seduced, or manipulated a "heterosexual" person into homosexuality unwillingly (that's a story for another time).

Oh ... and that chart about how 50% of women are bi-curious? I've found in my "research" that that's usually true. Heck ... even Katy Perry kissed a girl. And apparently, she liked it.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I can't sleep = Lame sports team names? ... with snarky comments!

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It's almost 3:00 a.m., and I can't sleep. My sister, for possibly the 4th or 5th night in a row, came home past 1:30 a.m. And because of this, *both* dogs have been sleeping with me. And they have this incredibly annoying habit of barking at the sound of a would-be intruder. I know, I know - it's what dogs do. But this inevitably results in me being rudely awaken, pissed and tired, forced to fight for those illusive fucking sheep, one more fucking time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Clearly I've been watching too much Xena]

Anyway. At 2:35 a.m. my sister returned home from a midnight showing of Eclipse. While I could write an incredibly lengthy and venomous post about the evils of Stephany Mejier and her kingdom of misogynist emotional abuse - I will refrain, as I'm sure the amount of expletives I'd use would be exponentially higher, given that I'm a) cranky, b) sleep deprived, and c) hate, hate, HATE Stephany Mejier's writing/fiction/characters/irresponsibility in regard to teen girls/promotion of abusive relationships, et.al. On top of which, there was an incredibly loud and raging party at a house down the block, so loud that I went outside, in my boxer shorts, and told some drunken kids to shut the fuck up!

Okay, that last part is a lie. I didn't tell them to shut the fuck up. I stood in my boxer shorts, arms crossed, staring passively aggressively under the security lights of our house, hoping they'd see me and shut up out of guilt, shame, or both. They didn't. And so I went back inside. I showed THEM! (Is it just me? or am I getting old??)

Oddly, as I was lying on my stomach, trying to wrestle myself back into a nest-like comfortability (and failing miserably), I started thinking of really lame sports teams - although more specifically, the lame names sports teams have. Given that I'm a native of Orange County, and presumably because Orange County is typically a pretty lame place, we have two really lame team names - The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - and The Anaheim Ducks, formally, The Anaheim Mighty Ducks. A baseball team based on (theoretically) mythological Christian messengers of God, and a hockey team that was formed because of a cheesy Walt Disney franchise.

Makes you want to move here, no?

Now don't get me wrong - I'm a huge fan of both the Angels and the Ducks (as I've more than proven on this blog). I'm as loyal to my OC teams as the screaming panoply of tweens that profess undying devotion to "Team Edward" (lay off! I'm tired!!). And then some! But even I can admit that our lameness in name choices is ridiculous. This may be due to the fact that both teams are results of their respective sports leagues' expansions, but aren't expansions meant to make these professional sports cooler, and not lamer? My strongest, most logical argument in defense of this ridiculousness, is that Orange County is a family county - we're the largely gentrified suburb to the South of LA. We do families, Republicans, and house wives like no where else on earth. Angels are so unoffensive - who can argue with an Angel? He'll just save your ass after you kick his. And Ducks - well - in other places, Ducks are hunted. In Orange County, they just live in swimming pools and man-made ponds. They also make good stuffed animals.

In short, Angels + Ducks = Fun for the whole family!

[Trust me, this makes sense in my head.]


Yet, I would argue that neither the Ducks nor the Angels are the lamest team names currently active in sports. What's that? you want examples?? Oh, okay. If you insist.

Baseball
The Colorado Rockies = Really? You're a baseball playing mountain range??
San Diego Padres = Less powerful and holy than Angels. Fail.
Philadelphia Phillies = Can we be any less original?
Minnesota Twins = I guess those twins in The Shining were pretty scary...
The Toronto Blue Jays = Pretty birds play baseball??
The Milwaukee Brewers = I love me some beer. I love me some baseball. I love me some beer at baseball games. But why are the makers of my beer out there playing?? Watch out! They'll ferment you!!
The Houston Astros = Sadly, this is a better name than what they previously had - the Houston Colt .45's. Astronauts, guns, or astronauts with guns. I'll take "Get me out of here" for $1,000, Alex.
The New York Metropolitans = For the first league expansion in 1962, that's all they could come up with?

Hockey
The Dallas Stars = It's almost as impossible to see stars at night in Dallas as it is in Los Angeles.
The Pittsburgh Penguins = Pittsburgh is one of the most blue-collar, gritty rep cities we have in the US - and you went with penguins??
The NY Islanders = Not entirely something to be proud of.
The Washington Capitals = I don't think I need to say anything.
The Columbus Blue Jackets = Essentially, they're the Midwestern equivalent to a Civil War Yankee, but instead of a fighter, went with the article of clothing motif. 'Nuff said.
The Nashville Predators = Not the worst name out there, but certainly the most vague. Anything is a predator of something else - even Bunnies prey on grass, carrots, and strawberry tops.

The Atlanta Thrashers = You get points for sounding tough, but what the hell IS this thing?? ------------->
[NOTE: Apparently, the Thrasher is a small bird that lives in the Gulf states, as well as the Caribbean. I had to look it up on Wikipedia. If you have to look a mascot up on Wikipedia, you have more issues than bad branding.]

Basketball
The Lakers = When you moved to LA from Minnesota, you didn't take the lakes with you! Morons.
The Seattle Super Sonics = I love you Seattle. But what the fuck is a Super Sonic? And don't you give me that bullshit about the Space Needle being the mascot.
The Salt Lake City Jazz = Since when is SLC known for it's mind-blowing music - of ANY kind??
The Denver Nuggets = Yep, gold nuggets sure are known for their excellent speed and rebounding ability.
The Orlando Magic = Don't tell me - you were owned by Disney too??
The Washington Wizards = I love the nerdy factor. But I don't think you could roll a +10 crit rating on a 12 sided die if your life depended on it.
Oklahoma City Thunder = ROAR!! We're loud and boomy and stuff!!
The Indiana Pacers = A basketball team based on stock car and harness racing. Welcome to Indiana! Wait...where are you going?

Classic sports teams that get a pass because they were created before telephones and good naming sense:
The Boston Red Sox
The Chicago White Sox
The Cincinnati Red Stockings (No, I'm not kidding)
The Oakland Athletics (formally of Philadelphia)
The Brooklyn (Los Angeles) Dodgers
The Montreal Canadiens/Les Habitants
The Detroit Red Wings (you don't even know how painful that was for me to type)
The Toronto Maple Leafs (sorry Monkey)
The New York Yankees (would only be great if there was ever a "Richmond Rebels" pro-baseball team)
The New York Knickerbockers (Tee hee ... makes me giggle every time!)
The Philadelphia 76ers (I suppose it's better than "The Brotherly Love")
The Baltimore Orioles (same problem as the Thrashers and the Blue Jays ... it's a small, pretty bird)
The St. Louis Cardinals (WHY ARE SO MANY SMALL BIRDS PLAYING PRO SPORTS??)
The Chicago Cubs (Cute, fluffy bear babies!!)
The St. Louis Blues (At least St. Louis is known for it's Blues music, unlike Salt Lake City...)

Classically great sports teams with great names/mascots:
Boston Bruins
Boston Celtics
New York Rangers
New Jersey Devils
Buffalo Sabres

Names that I can't put into any other category because their mascots are just racist:
The Atlanta Braves
The Cleveland Indians
The Chicago Blackhawks

Most Creative:
Calgary Flames (if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen!! and The Miami Heat is just too obvious)
Minnesota Wild (grumble, grumble, begrudgingly I make this acknowledgement)
Tampa Bay Rays (don't mess! one of those things killed Steve Irwin!!)
Pittsburgh Pirates (There are NOT enough pirates in professional sports)
The Portland Trail Blazers (You have to have lived in Oregon to understand why this is awesome)
Toronto Raptors (Finally! A ferocious, prehistoric mascot! Too bad they're in Toronto...)
The Phoenix Suns (if you've ever been to Phoenix in August, you'll know what I'm talking about)
The Cleveland Cavaliers (A basketball team named for those loyal to King Charles I during the English Civil War...from Ohio. I like it!)
The Carolina Hurricanes (I wouldn't want to be caught in one of them...would you?)

[Oh Good! Someone's decided to throttle their incredibly loud motorcycle down the street. Fucking awesome.]

Goodnight, good morning - I probably should just stay up at this point - it's now 5:03 a.m. The Polar Bear shall SLEEP NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS - I don't like the NFL, therefore, I ignored football altogether.

Thank you.