Three Rants.

There are some things in life that completely escape me; things that escape the world of logic, reason, and even self-respect. Some of these things set me off like a bottle rocket - I am an Aries, after all, it's a part of my protocol. A few of these things (exactly three, to be precise ... things are always better in threes...) have cropped up in the past few days. The first of these has to do with laundry.

I have been doing my own laundry since I was about 10. It's just one of those chores I've always done - like dishes. I love doing the dishes. I am guaranteed to feel accomplished, clean and productive. Laundry is much the same way. In fact, I would argue that laundry goes so far as to instill a huge sense of self-respect. Seriously. It's one of those tasks that says, "I'm an adult! I can clean my own clothes, present myself in a matter befitting my level of responsibility; and all it takes is soap and fabric softener!"

Well ... maybe only fabric softener if you're feeling super fancy, but I digress.

Today is Sunday; my day off. On Sundays, I go to the Lenox Laundromat to achieve that all self-respecting of self-respecting duties. I talk with the Laundromat attendant about inane, yet interesting things like sports and the weather. We're on a first name basis, she and I. Today, the subject was the Angel's/Red Sox game (YAY ANGELS!). Also involved in this conversation, was an older gentleman who was concerned with the Giant's/Raider's Football game (He was a Giant's Fan). I was breezing through the last issue of TIME Magazine, reading about a group in London who sifts through the mud of the Thames looking for artifacts (I think they called themselves the Mud Larks) ... the leader of this group has been named The Mud God (interesting, no?!) ... and in from the street come two college students. And within the first couple of minutes, it was painfully obvious that neither of them knew how to do their laundry. One of them walked up to my Laundry attendant friend, a garment in hand, and said, "Uhm, excuse me, but how do I wash this?" My laundry attendant friend looked at the tag on the back of the garment, and said, "Well, it says Dry Clean Only, so you shouldn't wash it."

The other student came up to me and asked if it was safe to wash all colors in cold water. In fact, the way the question was posed to me was like this:

"Is it true that if you wash clothes in cold water, the colors won't run?" As though washing clothes had some great mythological property to it ... full of magical, mysterious rumors that only well-schooled practitioners of laundry are privy to. I essentially told him that yes, that was true, unless there was a brand-new garment involved, or colors with a lot of dye ... like red.

This all seems rather innocuous, so what, if anything, is my rant about?

Two young adults. In college. Completely ignorant of how to do laundry. Now, I realize that I learned to do laundry at a particularly young age, and that my experience is most likely an anomaly. I can understand not learning until high school. I can even understand not learning until college ... kind of. Some mothers take great love in doing their family's laundry ... I didn't have one of those mothers, and so therefore, I learned on my own. I can *imagine* the naivety in such a circumstance; however, I would hope that at a certain age ... say, legal adulthood ... the young adult in question would need to learn what this whole, mysterious laundry thing is about ... more specifically, how to do it, the simple process involved, and/or the wherewithal to research such private, well-guarded information. There is a point in which the young adult needs to stop the chain of helplessness. There is a point in which the young adult needs to figure things out for themselves. There is a point in which EVERYONE needs to take their head out of their chosen body part, climb down from their privileged parapet, and learn first hand the satisfaction that comes from the researching and consequential completion of laundry. Read the label, buy the soap, put the quarters into the machine. This is not a complicated skill like building a camp fire or latching twigs together. This is LAUNDRY, for frak's sake! The machine does 90% of the work FOR you!

Yet another reason why the internet is a beautiful thing: http://www.ehow.com/how_46_laundry.html

And now I move on to rant #2: Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

For WHAT?! WHAT in the hell did he *do* to win the Nobel Peace Prize?! According to the AP, it's for his change of approach and policy in the Middle East. Really?! For a change in a policy?! Jimmy Carter got Israel and Egypt to talk and play nice, he gave the Panama Canal back to Panama, he helps the impoverished and hungry ... STILL ... and the man is in his 90's. Gandhi starved himself for Peace. And Obama changed policy. Has he changed DOMA or Don't Ask, Don't Tell*? The Health Care debate is still in tragic stalemate, AND I read (in the aforementioned TIME Magazine) that his promise of closing Gitmo probably won't happen by the Jan. 22nd deadline. I know he's working on it, and I know his plate is abnormally huge. But I again argue: He hasn't *DONE* anything.

Another problem I have with this, is that had Hillary been elected, and had she changed policy in the Middle East (as she most likely would have done), there would be no Nobel Peace Prize. Nor should there be. But the inequity is quite acute.

*Apparently Mr. Obama issued a statement this weekend, that he's planning on repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell. For those who might not know, DADT is an executive order that was put forth by Bill Clinton. As an executive order, Mr. Obama could have repealed it as soon as he took office, saving dozens of officers their loss in pay, benefits, rank, retirement, and the embarrassment of trial. I know I'm just being picky, but I don't think stories like this should exist:


Lt Colonel Victor Fehrenbach - Gay Discharge - 05-19-09 - Watch today’s top amazing videos here

And finally, Rant #3 ... The Heathen East.
There are three things I will never get used to out here. No helpful locks on gas pumps (you have to hold the handle the WHOLE time you're pumping gas, which gets COLD in Fall/Winter!), no wax seat covers in the Women's restrooms (which is either highly sanitary, or highly wasteful, depending on your point of view), and the complete and utter lack of recycling. While the former two issues are more of a mild annoyance, the last point is completely inconceivable.

My housemates and I had accrued quite the collection of cans and glass/plastic bottles, and left them sitting by the trashcan for the last three weeks. I went grocery shopping last night, and decided that I had had enough of the recycling treasure pile we were continuing to build ... so I thought I'd be a good housemate, and take the recyclables to the recycling center by the Stop & Shop. I put the bottles and cans in the machine, and all but 4 were denied. The store, apparently, only takes certain brands. So the rest of the recycling? Yep. Had to be tossed. And I can't even begin to tell you how completely reprehensible, evil, and dirty I felt doing this. I literally had NO alternative ... there's no recycling option by way of trashcans for the houses of Lenox. There's not a central area (that I've found) to take recyclables. I'm at a loss, and I HATE it.

And for such a wonderful, progressive, liberal state, Massachusetts sure fails the ecology grade. One of my housemates said that in Boston, you can't walk down the street without finding a recycling bin, which says to me that it's a flaw in state law.

I actually thought of an intelligence trade, today, involving California's far superior recycling program, and Massachusett's far superior social and civil rights laws.

I volunteer myself for mediation.
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Top 10 worst things about being an adult...

Let me just start this post off with saying I've spent the past 3.5 hours scouring the internet for jobs. My goal is to apply to 10. I've only found three which I am remotely qualified for [You know it's a bad sign when job postings require you to have a master's degree in rhetoric.]

So with that in mind ... I give you:

The 10 Worst Things About Being an Adult

1) Work. (Or the lack thereof) Sure, we have all this incredible social freedom, but what's it worth without an income? And while we can pick our chosen profession, this does not guarantee us a livelihood. In fact, as a child, adults are always saying that you can be whatever you want - but it's not true! They don't tell you about the ridicule, shaming questions, or abject disappointment when you tell them, 15 years later, that you want to be an artist, or a mechanic, or a game master. They don't tell you that "anything you want!" comes with conditions. Along with work comes the expectation of being a contributing member to society; but how can you contribute to the society, if the society doesn't want to hire you because you're either too qualified, or not qualified enough, or aren't the right nationality. [Bitter, party of one, still waiting to be seated.] Oh ... and whatever it is we choose to work at inevitably dictates the course of our lives, on a daily basis. Damn the man! I say we go back to a barter and trade system. I've got some corn and pelts, who has livestock? See? perfect.

2) Bills. We have to pay bills for all of those credit/financing/lifestyle choices we make. For example, the laptop I am using to write this post, I am getting closer to owning ... I have about $400.00 left to go. And I'm still paying off parts of college, and early post-college vagabond life. And you cannot be successful with this item if you don't have #1. Sleep, eat, work, pay bills, repeat. It's a vicious, vicious cycle.

3) Responsibility. Generally needed to succeed in both #1 and #2. And what are we supposed to take responsibility for as adults? EVERYTHING. Your life, work, bills, pets, being places on time, fulfilling promises, replacing broken items in stores, following rules, social engagements, marriage, divorce, cleaning routines, diet/exercise, appearance, children, taking care of self/others ... see? you feel tired and worn down already, don't you? And we're only on item #3. As a side-note, I probably should have put children higher on the list, like, even before pets. But seeing as how I don't have any, they'll stay where they are.

4) Consequences ... to EVERYTHING. What happens if you don't have a job? You have no money, which means you can't pay your bills which means your credit rating plunges into the toilet, and in an act of taking responsibility for all of this, you declare bankruptcy, and give yourself a seven year sentence to not being able to have any kind of equity whatsoever, making you, in essence, a vagrant, non-contributing member of society. Is any of it your fault? Probably not. Do you still have to pay for it? Absolutely. Consequences in the adult world are somewhat akin to pagan blood sacrifices in the days of yore; if your number is called, you're the poor sap that has to pay. Except that now, we like to draw consequences out into a tortuous length of time. Sudden death? No, no, no. Now we make you keep paying for the rest of your long, increasingly natural life. And I ask you, which is worse? Should I ask the poor sods sitting in a state penitentiary, who did nothing more than sell a few grams of weed?

5) Politics. Gone are the halcyon days of childhood, when everything came down to a question of what is "fair." Gone is the dictum of living by the Golden Rule, not just for yourself, but where the actions of others are concerned. Gone is the illusion that truth is the highest accomplishment to be achieved, and if you mess up, it's okay, so long as you're honest! The virtues so carefully instilled during formative years are smashed like sugar glass bottles breaking over stunt men's heads. Now there's jockeying, and ladder climbing, and corporate suicide, and federal indictments, and leaders who lie to cover up their own asses. We were told not to pay attention to the man behind the curtain, until suddenly (and without warning), he reveals himself, and you realize that the man is actually the monster that you thought was hiding in your closet, or under your bed, only worse, because now that monster is making decisions and judgments about your life that you didn't authorize.

6) Your body throws a coup d'état, and doesn't invite you. Creaky bones, insomnia, food digestion issues, memory lapses, inexplicable achy-ness; and that's only in your late 20's! Suddenly, the taste of your own mortality ingests itself into your awareness, and you hear yourself say, "I'm getting old." What?! No! Inconceivable! Is it the end of the world?! No. Is it a call for you to stop staying out until 4:00 a.m. on a regular basis? Absolutely. Is it a warning that you better start reading gender-based health magazines (see: Men's Health or Self Magazine), or at the very least, cut down on the amount of nutritionless garbage you deposit into your system? BINGO. This is the first physical sign of "adulthood" - one of those points in time when you're mind and body fuse together. In other words, welcome to adulthood, baby! You are invincible no more.

7) Self-control. Or perhaps I should say the illusion of self-control. When we're little, we don't have to have self-control; we are certainly trained to have it, but if we have the occasional tantrum, it's no big deal - in fact sometimes, it's even allowed; too tired, hungry, or upset ... let everything out, cry yourself to sleep, wake up in a couple of hours, right as rain. As adults, we are not supposed to lose control. Losing control is not only frowned upon, but in some places, they'll admit you to the psychiatric wing of a hospital. And the reality is that we still have tantrums ... we're just supposed to smother them into submission. How much healthier would we be if we could just throw the occasional tantrum, and got over the proverbial it? Because, if we submit to any loss of control, that might make things like mental health days relevant and accepted. And would we even need the term, "Going postal?"

8) The expectation of what an adult is and how they should act, is ironically, a terrible imposition. There are certain basic, primal functions, like the ability to acquire food, the ability to procreate, the ability to find to shelter against adverse weather. There are tougher requirements, like the ability to reason with logic, to be practical with important things like money and one's store of grain. Then there are blurry, cultural and emotional must-have's in our arsenal, such as etiquette and manners, humility, graciousness, the discussions of sober and serious things, like poverty, or relationships, or global-warming. The reality, however, is that when we're by ourselves, we are not so serious or sober ... some of us play video games, some of us are obsessed with Harry Potter, some of us sports fanatics, or collect bizarre things like miniatures. The point is, when we're out at something neutral, i.e. not with our close friends, like a corporate party, or an acquaintances' luncheon, we don't start talking about our wicked World of Warcraft crit rating, or the awesome hit in last night's hockey game, or the fact that you own an authentic re-creation of a Lord of the Rings sword (Anduril) at the age of 32. We don't divulge the best/most interesting parts of ourselves, for the same reason we learned not to in Middle School: social suicide. And to me, that's just sad.

9) This one goes along with #8, but I think it's slightly different - and that's the illusion of self-reliance ... which, to some degree, I think it's also an expectation - albeit a very specific one. As adults, we're supposed to be self-sufficient, not need anything, or anyone - and if we do, we have to get it for ourselves ... or are expected to get it for ourselves, and if we don't, then we somehow fail. which leads me to...

10) Asking for help. But part of what becoming an adult entails, is knowing when to ask for help, and this is perhaps one of the hardest lessons to learn, especially when #8 and #9 play such a huge role. It is a lesson in over-coming pride and one's own expectations of one's self, breaking down years of other people telling you what to do, how to behave, and instilled expectations. The hard part is letting go and discovering what you need. And there's no shame in asking other people for help. Providing you are prepared to help others when they come knocking. Because would you be an adult without responsibility?
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Casey Kasem has nothin' on me ...

My BFF Phoenix posted a two-part blog series about the top 10 Worst and Best aspects of being a woman. This was a brave endeavor, for no other reason than the making of a top 10 anything takes lots of brain power. Careful deliberation must paid to every single item and its placement. And what if you forget something? Do you scrap what you have and start again? Do you substitute the new item in for a less worthy one? Why was there a less worthy one in the first place? Were the right items picked in the first place? Does this make any sense?

See? That's a lot of effort for one measly little list!

But sometimes, finding 10 of anything is just ridiculously hard. I'll prove my point. I am going to make a list about the 10 Best and Worst things about being an adult. Why? Well, why not. This blog is being created for the simple, and somewhat decadent fact that I had cheesecake for breakfast. And because of that ...

10 Best Things about being an Adult:

1. Getting to eat anything you want for breakfast. Ice cream, brownies, cold pizza, left-over pasta, various forms of alcohol, and yes ... cheesecake. It's your life, don't you forget ...

2. "I get by with a little help from my friends..." I think the best thing, in *my* adult experience has been the pride and continued joy over my ability to pick awesome friends. Especially because I didn't have many friends when I was growing up ... not real friends. But now, as an adult, I have friends whom I can call at 3:00 a.m. if I need them, I have friends I can depend on, talk to, laugh and cry with ... and that's important. Particularly when you're rejected from jobs or grad school, end a relationship, lose a family member, or simply need to be reminded of your own greatness.

3. Excuses. I'm being serious. One of the best weapons in an adult's arsenal. Gone are the days when you were rudely carted here and there without so much as, "By your leave." Work, kids, no time, classes, lack of sleep, family ... now you can use one to excuse yourself from another. Don't want to go to Aunt Bessie's Tupperware party? You have work, and/or can't find a babysitter for the kids. Don't want to go to work? Your Aunt Bessie is in the hospital, of course, you're losing sleep with the worry, to the point of feeling ill yourself! As an adult, not only can you get away with it, but it works! It's like a secret code; that weird thing that your mom would do, but you could never quite catch her in a bald-faced lie. After all, you weren't the keeper of the master schedule. It may not be admirable ... but we all do it.

4. There is a certain thrill in adulthood that comes with doing mundane, and otherwise burdensome chores. Have to clean the bathroom? No problem. Laundry? Consider it done. Dishes? pwned! And WHY is this?? Because there's a magic barrier that's crossed once one finally lives on their own ... once one is the king/queen of one's own castle, chores cease being chores, and become part of a routine; sure, maybe not a *strict* routine, but routine nonetheless. When we were in the process of doing these "routines" for our parents, under the oppression of childhood labor, we called them chores. But now, the sense of productivity and accomplishment is astounding. You could sit around and do nothing but laundry all day, and still feel accomplished! This is what I call progress.

5. The end of censorship! At least on an individual level; I'm not currently able to take on the MPAA/media machines all on my own, at this time. I do assure you, I'm working on it. BUT! Now, I can go out and re-purchase that Dr. Dre album I bought when I was 11, that my dad made me bicycle back to The Wherehouse and exchange, largely because of the parental advisory label on the front. Okay, no, he didn't "make me" ... but he "strongly advised it." So of course, that's what I did. The irony is that I *wouldn't* buy a Dr. Dre album today. No offense to Mr. Dr. Dre, it's just not my thing.

6. Say it with me: NO. MORE. PERMISSION. SLIPS. EVER! I'm sorry, but even as a child, I had a huge problem with needing my parents' permission for things like museum trips or historical societies. I'm the one going, I should have my own say! Who cares if I couldn't drive or get myself to the hospital if hurt. Now? I come, I go, I visit, I pay admittance ... I drive, I pay for gas, and lunch. Please bear in mind that I was a silently independent child ... I did what I was told, but secretly hated it. I am an Aries, after all.

7. The mighty power of Ownership. There's nothing like the feeling when you make your first LARGE purchase ... we have small tastes of this in high school or college, when you save a few hundred dollars to buy that one thing, or maybe you were a highly advanced teenager, and purchased your first (used) car on your own. But I mean LARGE purchases ... purchases over the tune of $5,000 ... I'm talking your first new car, your first house/condo, your first state-of-the-art computer ... Ahhhhh ... the power of financing, the pride, the validation! Who cares that our economy is in the toilet ... buy, buy, buy! Why? Because you can; you have credit!

8. Independent money source/storage. Sure, you may not have a lot of it, but it's still yours; no more asking mom or dad to withdraw money for you, or telling you what to do with it. (This item does typically hinge on the small detail of being gainfully employed, but like I said, small detail.)

9. The continuing growth and refinement of our taste buds. You think I kid? I do not! When I turned 20, I had a sudden craving for coffee, and voila! I loved coffee! Two months after my 21st birthday, insta-need for beer. Shazam! I heart beer! If I didn't have the massive affinity for coffee and beer that I currently have, who KNOWS what I would use to fill the void; cigarettes, mallow bars, everclear ... cocaine? Who knows. And then there's the gourmet foods - avocado, spinach, quiches, prosciutto, lox, brie? What would the world be without good food?? Kraft can only get you so far in life! Yeah, I'm looking at you, Clifton ....

10. Free use of the stove top. Do you remember back to when you couldn't operate the stove, via the means of parental decree? And I could cook (rudimentary) by the time I was 9. Now, lemon chicken, pan-seared steak, mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables. Don't like Aunt Rose's meat aspic? Make something yourself, and tell her you're allergic to gelatin. The stove is my minion! You know, unless I'm eating the cheesecake that my sister made ... for breakfast...

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