THE list.

You know what I'm talking about. THE. LIST. That mental sheet of celebrity names you keep in the back of your head - the names of people which you would gladly sleep with, despite that awesome relationship with your partner. THE LIST!

One night during my sophomore year of college, I was having an IM session with my friend Jon, who lives in San Francisco. I don't remember most of the details, except that somehow we started claiming female celebrities. I'm sure the conversation began with us bemoaning our lack of girlfriends. He claimed one, and then I claimed one, and after we each had our top 10, and I figured the conversation would change onto something more ... meaningful? we kept going. This turned into a three hour conversation, and each of us with a list of over 100 celebrities that we had "claimed," like gold stakes in the Yukon. Were we serious? Of course not. Was it my proudest moment? Hell no. Was it fun in a crazy, competitive, once-in-a-lifetime kind of way? YOU. BET.

At the time, I was severely depressed - I had just been left (repeatedly) by my first love, who moved from Oregon to Wyoming in an attempt to find Jesus ... again. (remember my "that's a story for another time" comment on my last post? She's who I meant) And while Oregon is apparently a very gay state, Salem is not a very gay town. And my university (at the time) was not a very gay university. So I spent the next 3 years being very celibate and very lonely. Ergo, the cultivation of my list served as sustenance through some very, very dry years.

And I thought I was being all creative ... I thought I was the only one to have list, chiefly because (at the time) I was the only one I knew who needed a list! But it was a lie! Once I left college, I realized that *everyone* has a list, whether they're in relationships or not. Not only that, their partners have their own set of lists, and it's just generally understood that if either person were to have that one in a billion opportunity of having a romantic night with any person on their list, the walls of fidelity would dissipate for that one night. Especially if the same person is on BOTH lists ... talk about a night to remember.

Am I serious about this? Yes, in the sense that lists exists. No, to the extent that anyone would actually fulfill the purpose of the list or even be in the situation where fidelity would need to be broken. It's a game. It's a fun, fun, FUN game. Yet one that can add a certain something for certain people. For example, me. As the passionate, independent, and loyal person that I am, having a list fuels my imagination - but when my partner has a list, I suddenly have something to compete for, in a non-realistic, non-threatening way. And the only thing Aries love more than independence, is competition - but not forced competition. I get more creative, more flirty, more saucy if I know I have something to compete with, though again, not something real. It adds spice and character and invention. Not to mention the fact that The List can help level the playing field. We're all human, we have foibles and weaknesses - how better to express that in a non-actual way, than with a list. The worst is finding out that while your list is active and fun, your partners' is non-existent. You want to talk about kill-joy. The subtext then becomes "I don't look at anyone else but you," (which is almost always a lie, to some degree or other) and boy does one feel like an ass if one's on the other side of this scenario. And I have been.

So with all that in mind, I admit that I totally have a list. It rotates between 5-10 people, for various reasons. Oh ... what's that? You want to know who's on my list?? Oh. You don't.

Well ... I'm going to tell you anyway. (It's really the inspiration for this post, you know...)

Today's list 

(because it totally changes)

1. Sara Ramirez

2. Tilda Swinton

I think this is the biggest surprise for most people, when I say Tilda (she's been on my list for a LONG time), but I find androgyny, TRUE androgyny, incredibly sexy. She is completely transmutable, incredibly interesting, and wonderfully intelligent. I LOVE HER. 

3. Mariska Hargitay

4. Brandi Carlile

Duh.

5. Martha Burns

So Martha Burns is a Canadian actress, who's the female lead in Slings and Arrows, who's also married to Paul Gross (someone who occasionally circulates my list), who's just kind of phenomenal, except that no one below the 48th parallel really knows it. Try doing a google image search for Martha Burns. I dare you.

6. Kim Dickens

I honestly can't tell you why ... perhaps because she's been on two of my favorite shows (Deadwood and Treme), perhaps because she frequently has fairly weird haircuts and sometimes looks like a lesbian - I don't know. But she's wicked talented, and highly underrated, and there's just something!

There are others, but again, they rotate in on different days. I shared mine ...who's on yours?